How To Deal With Grief

   " The boundaries that divide life from death are shadowy and vague at best. Who shall say where one ends and the other begins?" ---Edgar Allen Poe

   Death is hard and I have been personally faced with it within the last 365 days. They have all been traumatic, some times one more than the other, but they have all hit home.

   The worst thing that one can do is to try to cling to something that is gone, or try to recreate it. These people that we miss still live actively in our hearts, souls, and minds... but are just not on this physical plane with us anymore. We must acknowledge that...

   Although we don't live in a world of mere reality, we can create our own reality. We live in a world of perceptions, where what's true in our minds is true!!! We can create our own reality, and if that exists with our deceased loved one contacting us directly or indirectly on a daily basis, then so be it!

   If there are resentments that we harbor, to forgive is the highest most beautiful form of love. And I promise you that in return, you will receive pure, untold peace and happiness. I promise this to you, and I promise that it can only get better... Hate is not overcome by hate. By only LOVE is hate suppressed. That is an eternal law...

   Perhaps our loved ones are not stars, but openings in "heaven" where the love our lost ones flow and pour through freely, and shine down upon us to let us know that they are happy.

   So is grief hard to handle? I would say "yes", but if you take heed to some of my helpful advice, it will become easier. It has for me. It has only been under a year for me, just think of how I will have evolved in a couple years or so from now?? It can only get better...

Into The Land Of The True

   I unveil the delicate curtain into the land of the real

   Where we are true to purely shine, where we aren't afraid to feel

   Where we are able to open up and cry

   To relax and keep it true under illuminating blue skies

   I want to feel happy I desire to SHINE

   I can reach the next level, I can touch the divine

   Clear my mental realm, I want to start all over again

   Like a newborn child, so pure and content

   It's time to be reborn and vulnerable, like everything is NEW

   Lets be the chosen children, we can be one of  the few

    So take my hand into the land of the true

   Watch your dreams become your reality

   Melt into Mother Nature, blend into the sky so blue

   Behold--The unfathomable land of purity, love, and truth...

  

   So take my hand into the land of the true

    Watch your dreams become your reality

   Melt into Mother Nature, blend into the sky so blue

   Behold--The unfathomable land of the true...

   So take my hand into the land of the true

   Watch your dreams become your reality

   Melt into Mother Nature, blend into the sky so blue


   Behold-- The unfathomable land of the true...

Under Hazy Eyes...

   Under hazy eyes, I see the sun

   I feel the burning heat and I feel as ONE

   I know that in essence we are born pure

   We get lost in this mechanical world, where evil does lurk

    Under hazy eyes, I see the radiating, undulating rays of the sun

   I feel that we are each a ray, coming out of our god, the sun

   We are on a hazy journey, but in the end, salvation will come

   The emptiness and loneliness will slip away

   We will be happy to be reunited with another sunny day

   Under hazy eyes, I can lose all of my fears

   And know that someday my eyes will become clear...

You Can't Choose Who You Love...

   I can't help who we love, we all can't. The cycle of love can be vicious, repetitive, unwanted, and more...

   I just recently left a boyfriend of almost a year, and it seems like we are together again. I hate him for it, but he holds a place in my heart that can not and never will be replaced.

   Have you ever heard the saying " let a bird fly free, and if it comes back, it was meant to be"? Well that seems to be the case with Bryan and I. I love him and that love in my heart truly stands the test of time. I can't explain love and the powerful grip it holds on us. I can just speak from personal experience...

   Love is grand, love is real---love can take your breath away. I am a sucker for true love, and I always will be. Love is a force that joins us all...it is as real as the day is long. Instead of running from it, I will gratgefully embrace it...

Is A.A. and N.A. a Cult?

   Is Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous a cult? Well, there are so many mixed views. I, for one, have not yet decided my position on this matter in question...

   In both congregations they say that you need to surrender to a higher power, a "god of your understanding". Although in  A.A., they recite the Lord's Prayer, which is a Christian-based prayer. A little hypocritical, don't you think? Now in N.A., they just recite the Serenity Prayer at the end. I have no problem with that. I am not overly excited about organized religions---although I am a devoutly and open-minded spiritual individual.

   I have recently been trying to do "90 in 90", an expression that means ninety meetings in ninety days. I am attempting this because I think it is the right thing to do, seeing as I have problems with chemical dependency and all other attempts have failed. I do have social anxiety though, which has made it circumstantially harder for me than most. However, I keep going and try to become a stronger person as a result of it.

    The A.A. crowd seems to be more "old-school" and a little self-righteous, while the N.A. crowd tends to be more open and younger. I consider myself to be an addict and an alcoholic, so I have been attending both sects.

   I still don't know how I feel about these meetings as a whole. They do read off of the same pamphlets which are passed out at every meeting, almost as though drilling it into one's head. It kind of reminds me of a Catholic mass. On the other hand, there is strength in numbers, and it does help to hear other people's stories and have their unquestioned and unconditional support.

   So are these fellowships a hoax? A cult? I would have to say I am "on the fence" on this issue. Maybe if I continue attending these meetings, I will get a better grasp on my own personal opinions. But as of now, I will just keep "making meetings" because hey, "meeting makers make it"...

The Right Intent

   Many people do things for many reasons. When people do kind things, many times they have underlying motives. Such motives could be...to try to get "with" a girl or guy, to secure their place in heaven, or even to expect something nice done in return.
   We have all been guilty of this to some degree... well these motives are wrong.
    To do something with the right intent is very important. We should have no other motive than to help out a person or to make them smile, to make their day a little happier or brighter since we played a small role in it.
   The problem with us humans is that we can become greedy. We are always looking out for "number one", ourselves. Our actions should be pure and our heart should always be in the right place.
   Karma is REAL and it will come around to bite us in the ass.

   So when you do something for someone today, make sure that you solely have their well being in mind. Having the right intent is crucial, and it goes a long way...

How To Escape our Deep-Set/ Engrained Thoughts

   We are all born with a blank slate. Our road map is literally barren terrain, untreaded on. As a completely pure and innocent child, environmental circumstances, and childhood experiences, teach us how to build and form the "roads" on our barren terrain, our clean slate.
   As we begin to tread these familiar roads more and more, mostly out of habit and comfort, the roads become engrained deeper, deeper, and more distinct. As an adult, we almost have to "rewire" our brain, to try new paths, to escape what we have become so accustomed to.
   I know that it only gets harder the older that we get. It is sad to see older, mainly middle-aged people or older, who are so "set in their ways that is almost like trying to turn a train full-speed ahead and make it do a full 180%.
   The message is simply this... the younger you are, the easier it is to save yourself from a mental imprisonment where only you hold the key. But the only thing constant in life is change, and CHANGE IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE, no matter what your age.
   So even taking a different route home from work than you usually do, or putting on one sock and one shoe, instead of both socks and then both shoes, is good mini-steps to rewiring the deep-set roads already formed in the brain. The older and wiser one gets, the more they realize that they really know nothing at all. Life may be a constant struggle, as it is for all of us, but with a little perserverance and openmindedness, we CAN always improve ourselves!!!

I Don't Step On The Scale Anymore...

   I don't step on the scale anymore. Seriously. I can't do it, for my own well being and piece of mind... The scale can be my enemy and I don't think it's necessary for me, and many people for that matter.
   I suffer from two distinct eating disorders-- primarily anorexia and bulimia. We are all born with either one of three body types---endomorphs, ectomorphs, and, and mesomorphs... the endomorphs consisting of mainly fatty tissue... the ectomorphs primarily long and lean, and the mesomorphs being of a naturally muscular build.
   I happen to fall into the third category... I am a mesomorph. And for the first time in my life I am proud enough to admit it. I can now say part of the serenity prayer..."God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change..." And now I really understand that. I can't change the body type that I was born with...
   I can't change that I am a mesomorph and I have drawn up the courage to accept the body that my higher power bestowed upon me. I am uniquely Allysan.
   Stepping on the scale, for me, is detrimental. My body is comprised mostly of muscle. As we all know, muscle weighs more than fat. If I look on the scale and see a number that doesn't please me, it will only aid in my psychological demise. I don't need that kind of self prison and torture. I am happy just knowing that I am healthy and happy, thank you very much.
   I am trying to be a confident female in todays image-conscious world. I am trying to fully love myself, something that we're all trying to accomplish. So no stepping on the scale for me, not necessary. I have enough stress in my life, let alone trying to cope with a number on the scale. So stand proud girls, and remember that we all come in unique shapes and sizes...AND WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!!