Seeing Butterflies

   A lot has been going on with me over these past couple of months. I am fighting to get my son back with me, I put myself through rehab, have been going to meetings daily, and have been working the twelve steps with my sponsor. I have been chewed up, spit out, knocked down, and picked myself back up again.

   But one thing is for sure, I haven't lost my faith. If anything, my faith has grown and strengthened immensely since the last time you have heard from me. Now I am not a religious fanatic or a bible-thumper, but I am a deeply spiritual person.I believe in the power of nature, the Great Spirit, and the celebration of seasons. I believe that what we call god is an undeniable force of pure love and encompases all world religions and prophets.

   While I was in rehab, I began praying and asking god to show him/herself to me in my life. I was graced with prophetic and profound dreams, overwhelming feelings of peace and communion, enlightening experiences in and of nature, and many many butterflies! Now if you know anything about me, you know that I love butterflies. I believe them to be a symbol of freedom, of metamorphosis, and beauty. God knows this too. I can't tell you how many times that god has put butterflies in my path in these last couple of months!

   Just yesterday, I was feeling very stressed out over my upcoming court date involving my son. It is coming up very soon, next Friday to be exact.I was taking a walk down a dirt path, all the while worrying and stressing out.All of a sudden I was surrounded by butterflies all around me,their beautiful intricately designed wings and vibrant colors fluttering. I was overcome with feelings of excitement and inpiration, but most of all, I was overtaken by feelings of comfort and hope. God was with me and was telling me not to be discouraged, that everything will be okay.

   There is something that we human beings must realize in life, and that is that we cannot control everything . We just cannot "play god". We are only mortal, it is god that has all power. I am learning that I have to let go absolutely and simply "give it to god". All that I can do is the next right thing, and know that if I do, then god "has my back". There is no denying this. From personal experience, I know that if you truly seek god, he/she will begin to become apparent in your life.

   Maybe god will send you beautiful butterflies. Maybe it will be something different, something deeply meaningful and a source of inspiration for you. All I know is that I have no fear now. I will walk in the sunlight. I will walk through the greener pasture and vast mountainsides. And I will walk with my god-given butterflies...