The Road Less Traveled By...

   I am at a point in my life's journey where I have come to a fork in the road. One road is safe and easy, but will eventually lead to emptiness and dissatisfaction in the long run. The other road is an uphill battle, but will lead to joy and fulfillment in the long run. It is time for me to make a choice.

    I have always taken the easy road throughout my life, depended on a man to support me, and never had to take scary risks. The terms of life have changed now, as something else has been added to the equation--- something worth fighting for. This is about my son.

   As many of you may know, my son's father died last November. My son, Jayden, is without a father and is not living with me at this present time. He is with close family friends and he is doing fine, but I am in the process of getting him reunified with me after six long months. I have jumped through every hoop imaginable and done everything that has been expected of me. I see Jayden regularly and my visitation with him has increased. Everyone is rooting for me, I feel like I am the heroine in a comic book novel where I am the one who must come and "save the day". That analogy rings very true...

   It has come to the point now where they will be considering Jayden to be living with me and it is very important that I have a safe and healthy environment for him to live in. This is where my decision weighs in. There are certain aspects to my current living situation that are beyond my control that are not appropriate for a child to be living in. If this current situation is not acceptable for my son, then it is time for me to continue moving forward and walk this path alone.

   The easy way out is not feasible anymore. I will not even consider it, because that means losing the chance of having Jayden and I WILL NOT accept that as "okay". So I will be moving on, relying and depending on no one but myself. That is the way it should have been years ago, but at least I am finally taking this step towards independence. And yes, it is scary. No one ever said that things are supposed to be easy. But this road will be spiritually rewarding, and my heart will not be empty anymore---it will be filled with the love of my son!!! And that is the ONLY man that I will ever need...

   " I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
   I took the one less traveled by,    And that has made all the difference."
                                                                                                                  --- Robert Frost