An Army of One: The Quest To Get My Child Back...

   I don't know how many of you out there can relate to this, my hands are trembling even as I am writing this. I have been in the process of working to get my son back for several months now. I know that there are mothers, even fathers, who are in a situation similar to this right now. The part that is especially hard for me right now is the lack of support from really any family right now. I have lost my three closest friends to death within this last year and the other friends that I have, I am not close enough to where I could really say that we have a close "bond"...
   Even if I am close to some people in my life, if they are not on the same page as me, not "on board" with staying sober, then they can not really be of that much support. Being a sober mother for my son is one of the things that is expected of me in order to get him back.
   As an alcoholic and an addict, every day is a struggle in itself. If I am not surrounded by positive influences, then I need to separate myself from the negativity. Undoubtedly, that leaves me on my own.
   My family does not have much faith in me. They are not supportive because they think that I will fail. Instead of letting that bring me down though, I am using that as fuel to the fire--- I am more determined and motivated than ever now to get my beautiful boy back.
   The reason that I don't have him right now is a long story within itself, but Social Services has had expectations of me to not drink alcohol. When I did have my son, i began to see a new doctor and allowed him to prescribe me benzodiazapines for my anxiety, knowing that the bad definitely outweighs the good in the effect that they have on me. I told myself that "this time it would be different", that I control my urges to drink when I take them. We can't expect a different outcome from the same behaviors... it just doesn't work.
   So for almost the last six months, I have been on the mission of proving to Social Services that I can maintain a sober lifestyle (that includes benzodiazapines), so that my son can be back in my arms again. Nothing is more important than my son... no drink, no pill, no guy, no family, no friend will ever fill the space in my heart that I have for my boy.
   My heart is in the right place, I have my priorities straight... my focus every day is on getting my child back!!! I will NOT wander, I will NOT waiver . I will NOT relinquish my responsibility as a human being!!! My main job right now is to be a mother and take care of my son. If no one will stand beside me in this fight, I WILL WALK ALONE!!! I will be damned if I let him slip away from me. He is my life force, my heart, my very next breath. Anyone who understands, feel free to raise your hand. If you don't, step out of my way. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I have no use for anyone who is bringing me down in any way, in this quest to get my child back!!!