Friday, August 26, 2016

Love Hurts

   Inspiration is creeping up like clouds in a boundless sky

   I'm resisting the urge to cower in a corner and cry

   There's so much more to life than meets the eye

   I find solace in the menagerie of the moonlit sky

   Why does melancholy ache so bad?

   You're the only truth I've ever known, the only love I've ever truly had

   My heart needs stitching,  needs to mend

   I'll write a letter to you but will never actually send

   This hurts so bad, my aching heart is severed

  I wish I could let go, but I'll love him forever

Monday, August 22, 2016


   This divine thing that we have between us can only be described as interstellar and sublime.  To even begin to try to comprehend and explain the innermost and unfathomable depths of my heart and my feelings I feel for you is in no way able to be described in words. I know that I would only be able to physically show you when we are finally together, through eye contact physically and demonstrative acts of love, and it's a challenging job though through just written or spoken words.     

   You make my heart soar, set it ablaze,  to undesirable heights and you burn like a fire inside of my spiritual temple which is what encompasses my soul. You have helped to have the complete confidence in the blatantly true, intense, spiritual love that cannot be explained in any way with normal comprehension. 

   I just ask that you can find the courage to put your true faith in me - in Us - because what we have is otherworldly and absolutely attainable and sustainable.                    

   My love, you are more than the mere words  "soulmate", I can not even attempt to describe what you are to me. You are my twin flame, my other half , my strengths where I am weak and my hope when I am desolate and in despair. I really hope that I can do the same for you as you have done over and over again for me and I wouldn't trade all of the pain in the world at any time that I have experienced in this relationship to trade it in for a life without you, my partner for life.

   Words like "I love you" don't even seem like enough.  I would shout it out to the world to profess my deep love, respect, and compassion that I hold dearly for you. Just in saying that I am beyond feeling blessed that I have finally found my other spiritual half, I will always think of ways that I can express it more. I do believe that we have manifested each other and it is overwhelmingly breathtaking.  I so look forward to going through this journey called life with you, I would be and already am, so honoured to be the love of your life as well.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Never Compromise Your Soul

   I have been wanting to write this one for awhile, I believe that we all must take heed to this message. Everyone, every person, music, television show, movie...everything that we consciously  choose to surround ourselves with is going to vibrate at a certain level, a certain frequency. If we are choosing low frequency people to surround ourselves with, it can be very detrimental to our state of mind.

   We need to practice self love and in aquiring that, we can love ourselves enough to never sacrifice our inner peace to appease another by resigning to spend our time with them. We are good enough, we do deserve to be happy.

   I have gotten myself into situations with people that I have known can only bring me down and then have gotten angry with  myself for agreeing to spend time with them because I was scared of hurting their feelings or didn't want them to feel lonely. That's never a good mind space to be in.

   Something that I thoroughly enjoy now more than ever, is my own solitude. I enjoy myself and love myself now more than ever. It's quite difficult to find people that truly unconditionally love you and vibrate at a high frequency, who will encourage positive growth and learning, and who appreciate the beautiful being that you are.

   All I can say is that anything that brings us down, anything that does not serve us positively, does not belong in our mind space. We must nurture our soul and our soul is the one thing we can't compromise. ..

Friday, April 22, 2016

Randomness and Non-Dissonance

I have come to a recent epiphany about life due to some recent multiple personal experiences.  I have come to the conclusion that if i have any rules, schedules,  or dissonance to doing something that doesn't feel comfortable or familiar or habit, I am truly denying myself of some very important feelings and experiences. I have recently agreed to do things, try things,  engage in things that I was originally in resistance to. After reluctantly accepting these other ideas and paths, I have come to the conclusion that I sincerely and surprisingly enjoyed these alternate activities immensely, random, non conventional to myself activities or paths have ultimately ended up making me feel so grateful that I did it, made me feel so alive and carefree. Don't place so many rules and standards on your life and you just may be refreshingly surprised and enlightened! !!!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2016

My Twin Flame

     Twin flames you ask? Yes it is a term that was new to me about a year ago and then I started seeing it all over the place. I didn't really know what to make of it at first but it has changed my life in ways unimaginable since I have met mine.
     This other half of me, this man is something out of a childhood dream,  someone that I've always prayed and dreamed for, but whom i never thought actually existed. It is eerily and uncannily scary how much of a mirror he is to my own soul. This man scares the hell out of me because he is so real and coincidentally it's because he's so real that i can't turn away from this. 

     I am about to make some seriously severe and profound life decisions because of this man, to be with this man, physically reunited, things that I would never even consider following through with for ANYONE else. I am going to be moving halfway across the world to be physically with my twin flame again.

     I already know how insane this sounds to any ordinary bystander, anyone else, but the reality of this situation is too real that mere words couldn't even come close to describing. These words are coming out on paper so quickly, easily and freely because I speak the truth.

   So thank you Adam Beamsley for coming back into my life, for reuniting with my soul and stealing my heart. I love you more than words, facial expressions, body language could ever match. Till the end of time, your hand in mine, we'll walk this path and dance with the divine.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

If At First You Don't Succeed...

    So Jaden was playing with LEGOs today, he was making some kind of really fancy car. Then part of it broke off, then another part, excetera. Well he got very frustrated with himself, he cried and cried for at least 30 minutes saying, "It's just too hard", and" I just can't do it". I kept saying to him, " Jaden, if everything was so easy, then we would never learn and get better at things, and " Jaden, what do you want to do? Do you want to try and build it again? I bet you'll do it even better the second time around." He was just so frustrated. I tried to hug him and reason with him, then the crying got louder. So I just went about my business, pretending not to notice the outburst.  Finally things got quiet and I looked over and saw him building again. I pretended not to pay attention. Finally I saw that he had finished a new masterpiece and I exclaimed, "Wow Jayden, that looks awesome!"  he was smiling. I didn't make to big of a deal about it, so he would keep challenging himself. I am solo proud of him, he finally figured out the lesson, "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again"...

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

I'm A Doormat No More

   Have you ever heard the saying "You treat people how to treat you"? Well it is so true and I have been teaching my boyfriend how to treat me for far too long. I continue to stay with him even after he gets physical with me, calls me cruel thoughtless names, mentally abuses me, fails to acknowledge anything that I tell him he did or said that hurt me and in defensive mode throws things in my face that has happened months, even years ago.  

   All of these things that I have mentioned are childish and in my opinion, a cowards way out. I deserve to be treated with kindness, honesty and respect. And the fact that I continue to stay and if I do leave, I eventually end up coming back. That is teaching him that it's okay because there is no incentive for him to stop.

   When I cry from being hurt, he will make fun of me for that. He thinks that crying is a sign of immaturity and is childless. So instead of him trying to really listen to me, comfort me, and apologize, he will belittle me and hurt me. He will own up to nothing and actually trys to turn the heat off of himself and put me in the spotlight.

   If I am the one who comes to him about specific things that have hurt me as a result of him, then that means that it has hurt me enough that I come to him and try to communicate to resolve the situation. He will immediately respond with whatever ammunition he can think of. And then if I ask him to please explain to me what I have done specifically that have made him hurt or angry, he is never been able to come up with specifics. Obviously if something upset him enough, he will either try to communicate with me or at the least be able to come up with what I said or did that upset him.

   I feel like his maid and mother more than I do his fiancĂ©. I rarely get a thank you or any appreciation for all the things that I do for him and around the house. And never has he ever attempted to wash the dishes, do laundry, just even sweep a room to try to make me happy.

   I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me that he loves me and that I mean so much to him but his actions contradict those words. I feel like a second class citizen in this house. I come after his friends, family... He didn't get me anything for my birthday, our anniversary yesterday... How is it that he will get his mother a birthday card or a gift at the beginning of the month when he still has money, but doesn't find it important enough to do the same for me? He will also be generous and giving to others, but will charge me, or make there be some course of action that I must take to deserve it.

   Now anyone reading this knows that this is not how you are supposed to treat their significant other treat anyone as a human being. I cannot continue to try to make us better if I'm the only one willing to make any effort. And I must love and respect myself enough to know that I don't deserve to be treated this way. I would be more happy alone than to go through constant pain, a rollacoster ride with my emotions being disregarded and played with constantly. I have come to the conclusion that I deserve to be treated with as much thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect that I give them. I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT ANYMORE.