Amends aren't something to make once and then be forgotten. There will be amends that you will have to make for the rest of your life. Every time that you speak unkind words or do something to hurt someone, amends are in order. In constantly being aware of when amends have to be made and following through with making them, we have a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Recently, I had been working on amends to clear away the wreckage of my past. I have approached as many people whom I have harmed that I can remember, as long as when to do so wouldn't injure them, myself, or others. It has surely been a struggle, but for the most part, the results have been rewarding and well worth it. Some people though were not ready to accept my apologies, which was to be expected. People are not always willing to forgive and forget when you want them to. I know that my behavior, especially my drug and alcohol abuse, has affected more people than just myself. I have invoked worry, heartache, and pain in all those who loved and cared for me. But all that I can do is clean my side of the street. I can't control other people, but at least I can feel at peace with having cleared away my debris.
Although I am nowhere near done when it comes to making amends. I am an imperfect creature and therefore make mistakes on a daily basis. We can't let our pride and ego get in the way of making amends. We all want things to go our way and we always want to be right. I continually find that I have to swallow my pride and deflate my ego when amends need to be made. No one is above having to "make right" their wrongs. In making amends on a daily basis, I have learned a lot about myself and about my character defects. I have recognised patterns in my behavior and been able to identify core problems.
If we are meticulous and thorough about this aspect of our growth as a human being, then we will be filled with amazement and wonder. Our lives will change before our very eyes-- for the better! If we make amends when our heart tells us it's the right thing to do, we will feel so much more liberated. We will be trudging the road to happy destiny...
Last Christmas was a very sad one for me, and I had many sad ones before that as well. I wasn't completely alone, I had my boyfriend at the time, but I didn't feel whole. I am not very close with my family and I can't even remember the last time that I spent it with them. Last Christmas was especially sad though because I didn't have my baby boy with me.
