The Best Christmas Present Ever

   Last Christmas was a very sad one for me, and I had many sad ones before that as well. I wasn't completely alone, I had my boyfriend at the time, but I didn't feel whole. I am not very close with my family and I can't even remember the last time that I spent it with them. Last Christmas was especially sad though because I didn't have my baby boy with me.


   For the past year and a half, I have not had my son living with me. He has been staying with a good friend's family and I got to see him a few times a week, but it was just not the same. It's a long and complicated story of how Social Services got involved in the first place, but let's just say that my struggle with drugs and alcohol were to blame. It was very hard to see my son Jayden, watch him grow older, and know that I wasn't there to get the full experience of his development. It was also so very hard for me to see him for a few hours and then have to say goodbye. The guilt and the shame I felt were unbearable. I felt like such a horrible mother.


   In the beginning of losing him, I was really struggling. I got better with time. But I still couldn't stop drinking and using completely. I still had the thought "well, no one will know", or "I'm by myself, I'm not hurting anyone". I went to a rehab and ended up getting kicked out of there for use. That's when I really got scared. Time was running out, and Social Services was looking to close the case. So I started frantically trying to find another rehab. I ended up finding one around Annapolis and I put myself in there. I ended up doing very well there and gradated the day of my next court hearing. Unfortunately with all my last minute efforts, it still wasn't looking favorable for me. Social Services was looking to terminate my parental rights. In the hallway before court, the lady who was keeping my son told me that they were looking to adopt Jayden and she would only let me see him four times a year!!! Can you believe that? WOW, that's all I have to say.


   Well I was devastated. I thought it was all over for me. But god was in the courtroom that day. When we got before the judge, he said that we were going to postpone the hearing for 30 days because there was an emergency hearing before us so we didn't have time to be seen. So for the next thirty days, I really put my determination in full force. I stayed completely sober, I  started attending A.A. meetings daily, found a sponsor, and started working the twelve steps. I was also living in a shelter at the time, walking to most every meeting, and visiting my son twice a week.


   When we came back to court, I had three character witnesses with me and a lawyer who was pretty confident that we would come out on top. Well, my lawyer ended up not having to do much, because to everyone's surprise, social services changed their reccommendation to reunification with the mother!!! God was definitely in that courtroom once again. We were to come back again in 60 days. In that two month time period, I continued doing what I was doing, staying sober, working with my sponsor, attending meetings. I eventually got out of the shelter and moved into a nice log cabin in Little Orleans with my friend whom Jayden calls "daddy"(purely platonic).


   This last court date was December 2nd and it was the best day of my life! I ended up walking out of the courtroom with him and he has been with me ever since. He made himself right at home and it is almost like he never left. But I never want to forget where I came from and all of the pain, because I never want to go back there again. So as you might imagine, this is the best Christmas I have ever had, and I have the very best Christmas present ever!!!