How To Argue Effectively

   "Argue" is such a negative word, but I thought I would use it to gather your attention. When I say "argue", I mean "handle disagreements" and have positive confrontations. No relationship of any kind doesn't go through periods of struggle,  misunderstanding, or hardships. It is beneficial to be aware of more effective ways to manage confrontation when disagreement strikes.
    Usually when one feels compelled to confront someone about something, it has to do with one's emotions being hurt in some way. The first thing to remember is that no one likes to feel like they are under attack. Therefore it is very important to approach someone in a way that doesn't make them become defensive. Some people's egos are very sensitive and the slightest threat to their ego being bruised will put them in "defensive mode" at the drop of a dime.
   I stand by this method with all of my being, it is a technique that I learned long ago. Here is how the initial confrontation sentence should go (a general outline):   " I feel  ____________  when you ___________. In the future could we ____________ so that this doesn't happen again?"   In using this method of confrontation, you are not accusing the other person of anything, you are simply stating how YOU feel. No one can dispute your feelings. Your feelings are your own and should be respected as such.
   Also, it is just as much in the tone that you deliver your message as the words that you choose to say. If your tone is hysterical, condescending, or cruel, that in and of itself can make a person feel hurt or defensive. You want to make the other person feel respected as well as you wanting to feel respected yourself.                  If you have followed these two steps and still the other person reacts in a negative way, then now is a good time to say something like, "I guess that there has been a misunderstanding in our communication. Perhaps we should come back to this later." When you can't heed any positive results for whatever reason, then it is always best to walk away. If you continue "feeding the fire", a small confrontation can turn in to a huge fighting match where no one feels satisfied, and ultimately both parties end up feeling hurt.
   The main objective on both ends should be to come to some form of reconciliation and agreement, not to tear each other down and come out the "winner". There is NO WINNER in a disagreement. There is also no loser. Both parties have feelings, and both people's feelings need to be acknowledged and taken into account. When both people realize that they are on the same page with wanting to resolve the issue at hand, then you realize that you at least have one thing in common!!! You are NOT ENEMIES!!! You both want the same outcome. Now if you can proceed with respect and compassion, then a resolution is sure to be found...