Why do people use drugs and alcohol? Usually because there is something missing in their lives. There is a hole deep inside themselves that needs to be filled. Drugs and alcohol temporarily fill this void and makes them feel whole.
But the void is still there when the chemicals wear off, and we are still empty. What we need to do is find that peace inside ourselves, not look for it outside ourselves. It is the same with people who turn to money to bring them joy. Or botox and liposuction for that matter. These things are just a temporary fix. The joy that it brings is not true joy. It is just an illusion.
We need to learn to love ourselves, appreciate what we do have instead of wallowing in what we don't have. If we truly love ourselves, we won't want to hurt our bodies with chemicals. Drugs destroy our brain cells, our heart, our muscle tissue, our liver, and so on. our body is our temple. It is the shell that we were given to exist in this lifetime. Lets appreciate it and treat it with respect.
I know that life can be hard. We have to endure pain and losses. There are many uphill battles that we have to face. But there is also much joy. To look into our child's eyes and see that purity and innocence, to marvel at a beautiful sunrise, to lay on the beach and feel the sand between our toes, to have that special feeling of warmth with our family during the holidays... the list goes on.
On a different note, I have to reflect on the situation with my son. Because of my alcohol and prescription drug abuse, I do not have custody of my son. right now. The state has custody and he is residing with friends of mine The goal is still reunification with me, I visit with him a few times a week, and I am subject to random and scheduled drug tests. I HAVE to get my son back. This period of my life is the most important time that I have ever dealt with. This is a turning point, All eyes are on me. No matter what, I cannot turn to drugs or alcohol to relieve my anxiety or cover up my pain.
Sooner or later we have to realize that chemicals are not the answer.The answer lies within us. We hold the key that opens up the door inside our souls.We have the power to free our minds, let go of our insecurities, fears, and distorted perceptions. We can't live or whole lives masking our problems and numbing ourselves. There is just too much to lose if we chose this path. Please, if you or someone you know is afflicted with addiction, GET HELP!!! There is help out there. There is so much more to life that we can experience. When we are numbing ourselves with chemicals, we are not really living!!! I am speaking from experience. Sobriety is the only way to live. staying sober can be a battle, but it is truly worth it in the end...
I love you! You can win this battle. Maybe in the big scheme of things you lost three people close to you in the past several months to get you to realize drugs and alcohol are not worth it. To really get the point ingrained into your mind. No doubt all three are cheering you on. I know I am.
ReplyDeleteThank you Angela. That really means a lot to me. Your love and support is truly valued and appreciated!
ReplyDeleteHey Allysan-
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I appreciate how open and thoughtful you are. I enjoy reading your blogs even if I don't always comment.
I'm glad you're taking the sadness from the recent losses in your life and trying to transform it into a positive growth experience for you. I'm sure you will succeed in changing your life in some significant positive way. And I hope that you are reunited with your son.
Keep seeking the truth and sharing your experience.
Blessings-
Leigh
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ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree. I watched my girlfriend die from an overdose. And I am still haunted when I sleep at night. Some times I see her dead body on the road while driving by or in a supermarket isle. My shrink says I have Chronic PTSD because of it. It is horrible. What is even more fucked up is that I was able to save her. She is still alive but I still see her death like I never brought her back. Fucked up huh? I administered CPR and brought her back, but seeing her dead, I will never get over it.
ReplyDeleteI have lost two friends, and five people in the past five to ten years. I utterly hate the idea of death. It scares the hell outta me. And when I died for those two minutes, all I seen was black, it was like I was asleep. I do still believe in life after death though. Energy transforms, doesn’t die. I just think my energy wasn’t ready to let go then, that is why I am here today.
I wish and hope that I find that peace that you speak of so beautifully. I am always feeling so empty. I tried to fill it up with sex, school, work, and I am still at war inside. Then other days aren’t so bad. Its an on/off thing. My problem is I think is that I havent found love yet. I mean I have, but I have not had it returned yet. I think that would totally fix me. I hope. One of my main problems is what you mentioned too, I really have a hard time not loving myself. But yeah, I am trying so hard to feel love for myself, to believe that I am beautiful, to believe that I deserve to be loved by someone, but it is just so hard when you grew up like me hating myself every day of my childhood and adulthood. My therapist, Claire, she is trying to “fix me.” She says I gotta let go of the shame that I feel for my sexuality and religious beliefs. It is so hard to do though, seeing how my parents are hardcore Christians, I was raised to basically hate everything that makes me who I am. I am a bi-freak/alien, and I hear voices and have suicidal urges. Even though death scares the hell outta me, I wanna die sometimes. I just get so tired of the games life can play at ya. Well mostly the bullshit games people play. That is one of the many things I like about you, you are not like that. I cut myself every time I experience any kind of emotional extreme, whether its happiness or sadness. It makes so much sense to me to do it too. And I have no idea why. Like in the middle ages. When they thought schizophrenia was demonic possession, they used to cut and “bleed out the demons.” I guess that is what I do in a way. Again, it all comes back to how empty and ashamed I feel. I hate hiding who I really am from my parents, they are my best friends. Oh well, I have said way too much, man, you really know the right subjects to get me talking. I am so sorry for the incredibly long comment this time. I will not do it again, sorry.
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