Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel [Official Music Video]

The Best Christmas Present Ever

   Last Christmas was a very sad one for me, and I had many sad ones before that as well. I wasn't completely alone, I had my boyfriend at the time, but I didn't feel whole. I am not very close with my family and I can't even remember the last time that I spent it with them. Last Christmas was especially sad though because I didn't have my baby boy with me.


   For the past year and a half, I have not had my son living with me. He has been staying with a good friend's family and I got to see him a few times a week, but it was just not the same. It's a long and complicated story of how Social Services got involved in the first place, but let's just say that my struggle with drugs and alcohol were to blame. It was very hard to see my son Jayden, watch him grow older, and know that I wasn't there to get the full experience of his development. It was also so very hard for me to see him for a few hours and then have to say goodbye. The guilt and the shame I felt were unbearable. I felt like such a horrible mother.


   In the beginning of losing him, I was really struggling. I got better with time. But I still couldn't stop drinking and using completely. I still had the thought "well, no one will know", or "I'm by myself, I'm not hurting anyone". I went to a rehab and ended up getting kicked out of there for use. That's when I really got scared. Time was running out, and Social Services was looking to close the case. So I started frantically trying to find another rehab. I ended up finding one around Annapolis and I put myself in there. I ended up doing very well there and gradated the day of my next court hearing. Unfortunately with all my last minute efforts, it still wasn't looking favorable for me. Social Services was looking to terminate my parental rights. In the hallway before court, the lady who was keeping my son told me that they were looking to adopt Jayden and she would only let me see him four times a year!!! Can you believe that? WOW, that's all I have to say.


   Well I was devastated. I thought it was all over for me. But god was in the courtroom that day. When we got before the judge, he said that we were going to postpone the hearing for 30 days because there was an emergency hearing before us so we didn't have time to be seen. So for the next thirty days, I really put my determination in full force. I stayed completely sober, I  started attending A.A. meetings daily, found a sponsor, and started working the twelve steps. I was also living in a shelter at the time, walking to most every meeting, and visiting my son twice a week.


   When we came back to court, I had three character witnesses with me and a lawyer who was pretty confident that we would come out on top. Well, my lawyer ended up not having to do much, because to everyone's surprise, social services changed their reccommendation to reunification with the mother!!! God was definitely in that courtroom once again. We were to come back again in 60 days. In that two month time period, I continued doing what I was doing, staying sober, working with my sponsor, attending meetings. I eventually got out of the shelter and moved into a nice log cabin in Little Orleans with my friend whom Jayden calls "daddy"(purely platonic).


   This last court date was December 2nd and it was the best day of my life! I ended up walking out of the courtroom with him and he has been with me ever since. He made himself right at home and it is almost like he never left. But I never want to forget where I came from and all of the pain, because I never want to go back there again. So as you might imagine, this is the best Christmas I have ever had, and I have the very best Christmas present ever!!!

The Right Intent

    It's wonderful to do nice things for people. It's probably something that we should all do more of. But are our intentions always pure?


   We must not only have right actions, but we must also have the right intent. People often do things for selfish, sometimes even vengeful reasons. Being that it is Christmas time, let's use the example of buying someone a gift. An example of the wrong intention would be to give the gift with the expectation of getting one back. Another example is so that you will look like a better daughter or son to your mother than your other sibling does because your gift is better. An example of the right intention for giving someone a gift would be because you want to make them happy.


   Now I am in the process of making amends to those people whom I have harmed in my life. I am working on the twelve steps of alcoholics anonymous and I am currently on step nine. When making these direct amends to people, I must go about it with the right intent. I cannot apologize with the expectation that the other person will admit their wrongdoings towards me and apologize back. That is not how these things work. I am only trying to clean my side of the street, to get right with my perception of god, not to worry about if their side of the street is clean or not. It is completely irrelevant if they apologize or not. My intentions must be pure and unselfish.


   Another example of the wrong intent would be to do something because you want to gain recognition or praise for it. Another would be to do something sweet for someone whom you want to become attracted to you , sleep with you, or fall in love with you. Still another example would be to buy someone something real nice with the expectations that they will now do what you say. There are so many examples of the wrong intent, I could go on and on.


   To have the right intent is simple. Just do something good because it feels good doing it, because it's the right thing to do. Do it because it brings the other person joy, and that in turn, makes you happy. Others may not ever know if your intent was pure, but you will always know. And so will God, and that's the only one who really matters in the end...