Have you ever heard the saying "You treat people how to treat you"? Well it is so true and I have been teaching my boyfriend how to treat me for far too long. I continue to stay with him even after he gets physical with me, calls me cruel thoughtless names, mentally abuses me, fails to acknowledge anything that I tell him he did or said that hurt me and in defensive mode throws things in my face that has happened months, even years ago.
All of these things that I have mentioned are childish and in my opinion, a cowards way out. I deserve to be treated with kindness, honesty and respect. And the fact that I continue to stay and if I do leave, I eventually end up coming back. That is teaching him that it's okay because there is no incentive for him to stop.
When I cry from being hurt, he will make fun of me for that. He thinks that crying is a sign of immaturity and is childless. So instead of him trying to really listen to me, comfort me, and apologize, he will belittle me and hurt me. He will own up to nothing and actually trys to turn the heat off of himself and put me in the spotlight.
If I am the one who comes to him about specific things that have hurt me as a result of him, then that means that it has hurt me enough that I come to him and try to communicate to resolve the situation. He will immediately respond with whatever ammunition he can think of. And then if I ask him to please explain to me what I have done specifically that have made him hurt or angry, he is never been able to come up with specifics. Obviously if something upset him enough, he will either try to communicate with me or at the least be able to come up with what I said or did that upset him.
I feel like his maid and mother more than I do his fiancé. I rarely get a thank you or any appreciation for all the things that I do for him and around the house. And never has he ever attempted to wash the dishes, do laundry, just even sweep a room to try to make me happy.
I always tell him that actions speak louder than words. He can tell me that he loves me and that I mean so much to him but his actions contradict those words. I feel like a second class citizen in this house. I come after his friends, family... He didn't get me anything for my birthday, our anniversary yesterday... How is it that he will get his mother a birthday card or a gift at the beginning of the month when he still has money, but doesn't find it important enough to do the same for me? He will also be generous and giving to others, but will charge me, or make there be some course of action that I must take to deserve it.
Now anyone reading this knows that this is not how you are supposed to treat their significant other treat anyone as a human being. I cannot continue to try to make us better if I'm the only one willing to make any effort. And I must love and respect myself enough to know that I don't deserve to be treated this way. I would be more happy alone than to go through constant pain, a rollacoster ride with my emotions being disregarded and played with constantly. I have come to the conclusion that I deserve to be treated with as much thoughtfulness, kindness, and respect that I give them. I WILL NOT BE A DOORMAT ANYMORE.
